Oh bittersweet Mother's Day...

I’m a day late and a dollar short on the Mother’s Day train, but hey- what’s new?

Yesterday I celebrated what was probably one of the most awesome days ever- Mother’s Day!  It was also a sad day for me. It was my first mother’s day and it was (probably) my Grandmother’s last as she is diagnosed with terminal cancer. I did get a (not so great) picture of her, my mom, Wes, and I, but it is still probably one of the most cherished photos I will ever have. 

Wes was also dedicated at church Saturday night in front of family, friends, and of course his awesome Godparents Maureen and Al. Overall, it was an amazing weekend and I was definitely spoiled and celebrated and it felt AWESOME!

However, it hasn’t always been that way, not by far. For the past 4 years, Mother’s Day was just a big smack in the face. To people who suffer from infertility, have lost a child, or who are waiting to adopt- Mother’s Day is awful, dreadful, terrible…. Need I continue? I avoided going to church Mother’s Day weekend. Literally could not handle it. I remember 4 years ago when I went and they had an entire talk about how wonderful mother’s are (yes, yes I know they are fabulous), but the entire time all I could think about was how badly I wanted to be one of them. It was sad and depressing and I remember finally getting up and going to the bathroom to ugly cry because I couldn’t sit through that anymore. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.

So to my friends who are reading this who are waiting… waiting to adopt, waiting to conceive, waiting for your baby to be born, or missing a child that is gone- my heart goes out to you on Mother’s Day especially as I know how hard it is to sit there and wish other’s a Happy Mother’s Day. I hope that those of you waiting will soon know the joy of being a mother.

Lots of love,

Amanda

Catching up

So I admit… I haven’t done the best job of keeping up on my blog and so much has happened! I can’t believe I haven’t blogged since January! Yikes!

The rest of January was great, we were having contact with Wesley’s Birthmom K every week, sometimes just photos- other times a mini conversation.

Flash forward towards the mid-end of February when we were waiting for our petition to adopt from our attorney. This document is something our attorney filed with the court to get a finalization court date. Well I was stalking him to get this done… you know- annoying phone calls, emails, etc…  He wouldn’t get back with me (which made me really not want to use him when we adopt again, but the agency stresses we should use him… so we shall see!) Well I didn’t hear from him before our March visit with our social worker so I let her know.

On top of that, K had fallen off the face of the planet. We hadn’t heard from her since Valentine’s Day. A lot of people still don’t understand the point of open adoption and why that would bother us. I’ve had people ask if “that isn’t a good thing?” To us, K is family. We LOVE her. She gave us the biggest blessing anyone could ever give. So no contact is devastating… imagine a family member you were close with cutting off contact? I want Wes to grow up knowing where he came from and knowing that she made an adoption plan because she loved him so very much. (To the other extent, some birth parents make many poor choices and use drugs, steal, etc… but K isn’t like that. She took care of herself through her entire pregnancy.)

So later the first week in March I get an email from our adoption agency stating that there is a bill at UC hospital and it needs to be paid prior to us being able to file our petition to adopt. UM HELLO??? How come we didn’t know about this?? YIKES!!! *Side note because I don’t know if I mentioned this, K had private insurance and since she isn’t a citizen she couldn’t get Medicaid. So I call the UC hospital to get the bill paid… and almost roll over and die when they tell me it was $3,000. I had talked to someone previously who told me there was only a $45 balance. So needless to say, on top of all of the other costs associated with adoption we got a surprise extra that was holding up our finalization. Needless to say, we paid it (and I had no idea if you paid in full at a hospital you should ask for a discount… so I found that out after I paid the bill in full! Ugg… sorry I digress)

A few days later- low and behold we receive our petition to adopt and then quickly received our court date for finalization- April 14^th! That is exactly 6 months from when TPR was signed which is the very quickest it could have happened. 

So unfortunately, from February we have had very little contact with K. I hope and pray that she is just taking sometime to heal… That this isn’t what it will be like. I have only received 1 text from her since February, stating that her father was sick and she had to travel home to Africa to visit, she loved and missed us. So please, add K and her father to your prayer list.

During the course of March we also chose Godparents- Al and Maureen. Of course I had to find some cute pintersty way to ask them (seriously, what did we do before pinterest? Oh yeah… not stress about everything in life being cute and perfect! Lol) Anyway, I made them a little card that highlighted the “responsibilities” of Godparents. I know sometimes it becomes a special title, but for Phil and I we knew we wanted it to be people that Wes will look up to, trust, and that he can go to for guidance. We are so very lucky to have so many of those people in our life.

     

April arrived quickly and it was finalization day before we knew it! We went down the night before and spent the night at the Ramada in Xenia, Ohio. Our adoption agency is located in Greene County so we had court there. My mom and Jon went with us. Unfortunately, we were only allowed 4 people so we invited just a few family members- but due to it being on a Tuesday no one else was able to attend. Court went really well. It was more of a “formality” than anything because all rights were terminated and we had an “easy” situation. (Sometimes, family members contest adoptions, birth fathers, etc). The judge was really nice. He asked us a few questions and then signed the paperwork and took some pictures. He had Wesley help him smack the gavel, which was cute. Our adoption agency was there also and they were trying to convince us to go ahead and start working on our book for our next adoption. We need to give ourselves a little more time… but don’t think that isn’t on my mind (and now that we have a boy… we will need a girl- so if you know anyone looking to create an adoption plan, I might be convinced to adopt quicker… lol!)

Which takes us to now! May 2^nd- today is Wes’s big finalization party! We are having a Superman was Adopted too themed party… and have decided since everything is red, yellow, and blue that he is going to need to have a circus themed birthday party and I’ll just leave all the decorations up… lol! I’ll post some pictures after the party. Next weekend it Wesley’s dedication at church and I’m super excited for that also J. Our church dedicates children so that when they are old enough they can choose baptism.

So that’s it. Everything is final. Wesley is our son. (The judge actually said, you shouldn’t use the term adopted son- just say he is your son.)  Thank you to those of you who have been such an amazing support for us during our journey. We couldn’t be any luckier.

Love you all 

*Here are a few other fun pictures

Enjoying sometime outside!

FIrst Haircut!

First Easter! 

First Walk outside!

A month flown by...

Wow, December was here and gone before I could even jump on here to update. December was an eventful month!

Wesley was having a great sleeping streak (sleeping from 9-2, 2-6). Then he got his 2 month shots in the middle of the month and it was a disaster for the rest of the month. He was back to screaming all night and only wanting to sleep if he was snuggled up to you which meant many nights with him in the baby bjorn on the couch. Hopefully we will get back to normal soon, we took him to get adjusted which usually helps.

We had our first visit with Wesley’s birthmother. It was so amazing to see her. We were a little nervous and didn’t quite know what to expect, but it went great. We went to Cincinnati and hung out at her apartment for awhile and then went out to lunch. It was just perfect. And she gave Wesley his first pair of real shoes- some Lebron’s. (Not spoiled at all…)

We also had the chance to celebrate our first Christmas as a family. Oh my- there are no words for how special that was! We are so blessed that our family loves him to death and there was no shortage of people who wanted their turn for snuggles. We were very blessed to get most of the rest of the items on our registries. Phil has been loving assembling all the new baby stuff! Our living room looks like baby central. I did well though, I only purchased some puzzles (for the future because they were an amazing deal), some 6 month clothes because he is too tall for 3 month stuff these days, some books, a duplicate of his favorite blanket, and a flannel sheet for his bed. (Now if I can only convince him it is okay to sleep laying down!!)

I also got to celebrate my first birthday as a Momma which was fun. We went out to lunch and had cake and presents with my Mom and Jon.

We spent New Years at home- we did make it until after midnight! We had some old friends and new friends over and it was a blast. The girls decided we need monthly girls nights! Wesley was enjoying snuggling up with everyone.

I have also been busy trying to get his baby scrapbook up to date. I have 5 pages done, I had to stop to get some more paper though. I’m hoping to finish it over the next few days.

I have a few more days until I’m back to work… (yes, I would much rather stay home forever!!) I know, I know- we are all surprised! I love my school babies, but Wes has my heart and I have to say I am lacking my normal motivation to create new things for my room.

So that's about it. Thank you to everyone for putting up with my facebook picture explosion. Thank you to everyone for your continued well wishes and prayers. I can't believe I scheduled his 3 month pictures for January... it seems like yesterday we were rushing off to Cincinnati because K was in labor! Craziness. But thanks for sticking around for this crazy ride. Love you all!

Adoption Awareness Month: What is Open Adoption?

I started this post yesterday when someone was sleeping… and then he woke up and wanted to eat and then he was fussy… next thing I know it’s Wednesday!

First off, Happy Adoption Awareness Month!

It has officially been 6 weeks since we found out that Wesley was coming into our lives. What a whirlwind it has been. I want to thank everyone for their love and support, we feel so blessed to have you all in our lives!

Today marks a very important date. Let me back track for a minute. In the state of Ohio, birthparents can sign a TPR after 72 hours (termination of parental rights). Wes’s birth mother signed this on October 13 and Wes came home with us. Because Wes’s birth father was not involved and did not sign these papers, before we can legally adopt Wesley- there had to be a report made to the Putative Father Registry. This is where men can claim a child when a mother decides to terminate her rights and create an adoption plan for a child. The father then has 30 days to claim the child. We got word today that our 30 days is up and there was no match! This is one less thing to stress over in the case of adoption. Now we just have to wait for finalization (which will probably be in April).

In honor of adoption awareness month, I have been on the search for an article that explains open adoption. This is something that a lot of people have questions about and even though many people know someone who knows someone that has adopted, etc- there are still a lot of questions and most people don’t really understand open adoption. Unfortunately, I haven’t found any articles that I really liked or that answered many of the questions we have been getting- so I decided to try and explain it myself… here goes!

What is open adoption?

Open adoption looks differently in every case. Basically it means continuing contact with birth parents (in some cases this includes their extended families). This may be through visits, letters, emails, texts, skype, pictures, video, etc. Each triad (birthparents, adoptive parents, and adopted child) create a plan that is right for them. For us, we will continue contact with Wesley’s birthmother through visits, pictures, texts. Phil and I were thrilled to be matched with a birthmother who wanted an open adoption with visits. (Most agencies will not have a closed adoption unless it is something that birthparents feel strongly about, even then- their names are still typically disclosed to the adoptive family).

Why an open adoption?

We would never hide that Wesley is adopted (and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t believe us if we tried to convince him otherwise!) Adoption is his story and it makes him special. It means he has even more people who love him. Open adoption allows him to ask questions and understand where he came from and why his birthmother created an adoption plan for him. He will be able to ask questions about his medical history, find out that he gets his dimples from his grandmother, or that his uncles played soccer too. Someday he might have other biological siblings that he would like to get to know. Does that mean that he won’t care that his Grandma and Grandpa greeted him when he came home from the hospital, that his Mom loved being in musicals in high school, or that his first movie was the Lego Movie snuggled up with his Daddy on the couch? NOT. AT. ALL. Adoption isn’t a dirty secret. It is awesome. It is his story. It is the truth.

I watched a movie that an adopted child got taken back. Are you worried he’ll get taken away someday?

No. Just like I explained above- once we finalize, Wesley is officially our son and can’t be taken away. His birthmother knew she wasn’t in a place where she could parent him. Does she love him? Oh my yes. Does she want to see him as much as possible? Of course. She knows she made the right decision, even though it was incredibly difficult for her.

What’s his birthmom like? What’s your relationship like?

Amazing. Selfless. Giving. Honest. Understanding. Beautiful. I can’t say enough great things about her. She is from Africa and has lived in the US for a few years now. She works in the accounting department of a department store, teaches modeling classes, and is going to be starting college for accounting soon. Our relationship is constantly evolving. We met her less than a week before Wes was born so we spent our time in the hospital getting to know her. We talk via text often and are looking forward to our first visit with her in December. We have a lot in common and I can’t wait to continue on this awesome journey with her.

How will you explain this to Wesley? Won’t it be confusing for him?

We will start early by talking about his birthmom. We will share some of the fabulous adoption books that are out there. We’ll talk about how Wesley grew in her tummy, but she couldn’t take care of him so she chose us to be his mommy and daddy.  We’ll talk about how much she loves him and that she wanted what was best for him. This story will evolve as he gets older and develops a relationship with his birthmom.

Does his birthmom tell you what he can or can’t do? Does she make his decisions?

In short, no- we are his parents. We will establish boundaries in our relationship. Do we respect her opinion? Absolutely. If there was something she really wanted him to do or not do, we would definitely take it into account. It’s part of our openness. His birthmom wants what is best for him, she isn’t going to make weird demands.

So I hope that answers some of your questions. Please remember, these are my opinions and thoughts and are no way the only way open adoptions take place. Everyone has a different experience.

 This is our story. I’m so glad you’re all apart of it. Thank you for the continued prayers and support. Love you all!

No words...

Surreal.  That is the only way to describe this.

Late last Friday night, after deciding to not go out of town because of crappy weather- we received an email from our agency saying that there was a birthmom interested in meeting with us and a few other families. She was due on Tuesday the following week and they wanted to know if we were interested. We said sure and set up a meeting for Sunday in Cincinnati. On Saturday, we decided to go set up a registry at Babies-r-Us. With all the quick placements I had seen popping up lately, I decided why not?

Sunday came and we met with the birthmom. She was amazing. We kind of fell in love with her and as hard as it was to keep things “in checK’” as adoption is so unpredictable, I did. I talked to some of my adoption support group friends and held in the news that we had met with a birthmom since we knew we wouldn’t find out if we were picked until Monday.

On Monday, I dropped my kids off at their special and came back to my room and checked my email. Sure enough, I had an email from the agency. I think my heart literally stopped. It said “ I spoke with Mame this morning. She would like to be matched with your family.” There was more, but I didn’t read it. I jumped out of my seat and ran next door to tell my good friend Lisa. I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I of course immediately proceeded to tell my other dear friend Sarah and call my principal (because I’m just so responsible and knew I needed a sub!)

I kept the secret all day. I spent the day with my secret glow and trying to decide how to tell everyone else. I called my Mom to try to convince her to go out to dinner with us so we could tell her. She kept telling me no. She had “scrabble night” with her friends.

Finally, I made it home and we took these sweet photos that we used to tell our friends and family.

My Dad and my sister refused to answer their phones, so they were about the last people in the world to find out. I spent the rest of the night chatting with family and friends.

I cannot even begin to express how grateful I am to Mame for giving us this gift. I can’t put into words how much all the well wishes and support everyone is giving to us means. This is the best kind of whirlwind. I haven’t been able to sleep at night. I have been at work 14 hours the past few days in an attempt to get things around for my subs.

Flash to today… get a text from Mame saying she is in a lot of pain and heading to the hospital! Freak out! I was still at school. I think I did 65 most of the way home… finally made it and threw stuff together and ran out the door. On the way we found out she wasn’t in labor so we pulled off to grab some dinner while we waited for the doctors to decide if they were going to induce her. They decided not tonight and that she could just come in for her appointment tomorrow. We had gotten back on the highway at this point and got stopped on 75 where there was an awful accident that closed down 75. We finally made it back to our house 3 hours later.

So tomorrow we are going to her doctor appt which is super exciting (we’re hoping to get to see an ultrasound J !! ) and she has another appointment on Monday if he doesn’t show his face over the weekend.

Sorry this post is all over the place. I can barely form words and sentences because I am so excited (and overly exhausted as I haven’t been able to sleep due to excitement!)

But seriously, to all of our friends/family/co-workers… THANK YOU SO MUCH!

A super huge thank you to Kelly for all over her “buy this don’t buy that” tips (don’t worry- I bought gas drops tonight!). Thank you to Lori for loaning us the bassinet. And an enormous I don’t even have a clue how to ever repay you thank you to Sara and Adam for loaning us pretty much everything under the sun (car seats to clothes)- you saved my life (and bank account!)

If I made errors in this, I’m sorry. I don’t even have the energy to re-read.

Love you all and we will keep you updated on Baby Ross updated J J

Rough. Day.

I don’t have anything new to share.

This is one of those “just waiting” posts. I just felt like I had a lot on my heart. Today was just particularly difficult, for no apparent reason. I woke up and my heart just hurt. And I'm warning you in advance, this post is literally ALL OVER THE PLACE. There is no point, I just needed to vent.

I belong to a few online support groups for adoption and there has been a ton of action lately (aka, lots of births and lots of families being chosen- up to 3+ per day) which is awesome, unless you’re just waiting. It’s like when your friends tell you they’re pregnant or they have a baby. You’re honestly so happy for them because you love them, but secretly-you’d rather go hide in the bathroom and cry.

I’ve been trying to throw myself into work to keep myself occupied. People are constantly telling me that I spend way too much time at school, but the alternative is going home where so often my mind wanders to that closed door in the upstairs that hides that beautiful nursery that remains empty. My class this year is great and I love them to pieces. Sometimes to the point where I feel guilty for wanting a baby so badly, because it means I won’t be with them all the time.

This was posted in the support group today…

I just have to keep reminding myself. 

God has a plan. 

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

So, the wait continues…

P.S. To my fellow waiting families, this blog post is too funny. You should probably check it out, or if you’re a parent- you may enjoy her other posts!

http://www.scarymommy.com/baby-shower-envy/

A Rollercoaster Ride...

I can’t describe what has been going on lately as anything but a roller coaster ride. You’re up, you’re down- you feel like you might puke, then you’re excited because you realize how awesome the ride really was. 

Our new agency places a lot of babies. We have had 4 possible situations in just the last month (verse 2 years with 1).

The first situation was twins- very unique twins. We were pumped, until we found out how long they would be in the hospital 3 hours from our house. That unfortunately did not work out for us.

The second situation, twins again. Similar situation, huge hospital stay over 2 hours from our house. Again. Doesn’t work for us.

The third situation- twins. (Are you sensing a pattern?? My mom had triplet dreams about us a long time ago so the idea of twins make me laugh). Anyway- super excited. Then the mother decides she isn’t sure about adoption. TOTALLY BUMMED.

Later that day- we find out about another baby (yes, just one- is it weird that I was slightly disappointed? I was just starting to get used to the idea of twins!) We find out, she picked us and we’ll meet soon. Hooray! Happy Dance! Everything we finally have been waiting for is going to happen! We need to go buy stuff, baby is due in a little over a month. Holy smokes, panic sets in. Then, I get a text. Oops, Mom changed her mind.

And here we are. Back at the beginning. Starting the ride all over again. I am soooooo ready to get off this ride.

Keep praying, our baby (or babies!!) are out there somewhere…